I am a spoiled brat, and I refuse to use a system without IPMI for even my homelab at this point. I’m probably a little less risk averse for homelab use cases, and I wouldn’t die on the not having ECC hill. I will die on the not having IPMI hill. 
Thankfully for me they typically come hand in glove.
Stick with the tried-and-true server grade cards. In SCALE you should have decent drivers for the Aquantia card, but that doesn’t mean the hardware is necessarily any good. IIRC in CORE, it’s not even supported.
I’d recommend that Intel card for sure. I also really like these cards:
Dell Mellanox ConnectX-4 Lx CX4121C Dual 25GbE SFP28 FH (MRT0D) | eBay
I have no affiliation with this seller, and always be weary buying used cards on eBay. Do your own research, see:
Fake server cards - Resources - TrueNAS Community Forums
But that being said, I’ve happily purchased several ConnectX cards and run them on TrueNAS and Windows systems. No complaints. They’ll even work on CORE, though they don’t have a large market share there AFAIK so YMMV on FreeBSD. I could be wrong.
You can use 10 gig optics in the 25 gig cards, and you’ll probably benefit from having better silicon. For 40 bucks it’s a steal IMO.
Also, as far as RAM goes. Personal experience backed by plenty of others on Reddit and other forums. The X470 D4U board is picky about RAM. It could just be that first gen Ryzen was gernally picky about RAM. IN any case, you’ll probably have to run at JDEC speeds with poor timings and not XMP/AMP if you load her up with RAM.
That being said, anything >/=64GB especially, I’d find something in the QVL of whatever board you find and either find that SKU or find one that reports the same timings and JDEC speed.
When I had 64 in my X470 D4U and 1700x, I had to run at 2400 with all 4 DIMM slots populated, even though the RAM was spec’d for 3200 and ran at that speed with only 2 DIMMs.
I’ve seen weird problems, from myself and others. I just ran a normal update once, everything was fine for months. After it completed, I restarted. The system didn’t come back up. It couldn’t boot and had to hard code the speed to the slowest speed with 1 DIMM, reboot, install another, reboot, install 2 more, reboot…It was obnoxious.
This is “problem” is true for most desktop adjacent platforms in general, not even just the one in question here.
This is also why I now typically run enterprise-grade stuff at home, power usage be damned.